Anna

I came across Anna Craig's blog earlier on in my cancer journey.  She was a fellow triple negative breast cancer patient and unfortunately her cancer metastasized.    She lived not far from me and I believe she had the same medical oncologist based on her descriptions.   She had a strong voice in the  "Metavivor" community and was very inspiring.  She passed away a few days ago, and leaves behind her husband and her two children.  Her writing is beautiful and introspective and compelling.  Here is one example.

Over the last two years, I have found awkward peace with my diagnosis. It is a complicated acceptance that has changed the way I look at living. For me, cancer has magnified my humanity and intensified my relationship with mortality.

Dying is integral to the human experience. It is not unusual to have to face death at some point in your life. What is unusual is that I have to face it in my thirties when I just started to get the hang of living. To live so closely with death and dying in your thirties is not normal. It is with this in mind that I choose to live as real as possible. To live exposed and vulnerable so that I am open enough to absorb all that life has to offer. In one moment I can feel like I’m being smothered by darkness and then in an instant without explanation I can be uplifted in the light and hope.

Its in the grey between those contrasting moments where I struggle the most. Life is complicated that way. Complication is human and its real. Living with cancer and uncertainty magnifies this. It creates an urgency to live now and in the present. I find myself desperately trying to capture my potential, grasping and clawing at every opportunity. My cancer has forced me to live in the moment. To live fully in a life that is condensed.

As a culture we tend to celebrate that way of living. We build our inspiration from people who we believe exemplify living life to the fullest. Living this way is exhausting. Living in the moment without confidence in your future can be ominous. It can be complex and conflicting. There is both freedom and oppression in living condensed.

http://www.youngadultcancer.ca/living-condensed-and-without-limitation/