Mammogram results and Covid thoughts

I had my annual mammogram on May 27 and recently (last sunday) found out the scan was clear!!! I've very relieved.

I think covid was messing with my head and for a couple months leading up to the appointment I had convinced myself the cancer was back.  As illogical as that is, I think the threat of sickness/death with covid triggered a lot of previous trauma in me.  I am glad to have passed this milestone for the year and hope to move forward with a more positive mindset.

As an hr practitioner I often have to coach or support my clients or employees on dealing with these types of things and addressing anxiety.  I want to try to think about what I'd say to someone in my workplace that was dealing with similar feelings that I have been struggling with.

1) I think I would say first of all for them to try to take a moment to breath.  Breath in and breath out, and focus on the current moment.  If you are able to, perhaps take 5-10 minutes and do a guided meditation.  maybe build this into your daily routine, and try to calm your nervous system.

2) another great strategy for releasing emotions is to talk to a friend or even a therapist about what you are feeling. get those feelings out, with someone that will listen with compassion.  for covid, in particular, we are all going through this together and we are feeling a lot of the same feelings right now. you won't be shunned for your feelings. you will probably get a lot of nodding heads.

3) journal your thoughts and feelings out too - if you'd rather not talk to someone, writing everything out and getting rid of it helps! it gets it out of your head.  even consider burning the paper after and releasing all the negative stuff by lighting it on fire!

4) for me, anxiety is often worrying about the future.  in covid, we don't know when this will really end.  so take control of what you can.  create a stable routine every day, that will help with maintaining some normalcy and balance for you.  focus on each day as it comes and don't think too far into the future if you can.  stay present. 

5) exercise!  if you like to workout like me I know that really helps me with anxiety and stress. find some kind of exercise that feels good to you and do it.  

Personally, I think I need to focus on levelling out my stress and nervous system. I probably need to do some more relaxing movements and activities to balance out work stress and high intensity workouts. I am trying to work yoga and mediation into my life, and get back to journalling more as well.

all of the above is great advice I would give someone else, and I need to give it to myself!

8 weeks in quarantine

today marks 67 days in quarantine - or roughly 8 weeks.
in some ways it has gone by so fast and in others painfully slow!
i don't miss the commute to work at all!  however i do miss the social aspect of work and seeing people in person, for work or for social gatherings.  i'd like another face or two in the rotation :)
we have had moments of stir crazy for sure.  it's hard because we don't know when the end is in site and I can't really let my guard down since i may be immune compromised.  but it would be very good for my mental health to have some social visits, even if they are porch visits.
this weekend was my parents 50th wedding anniversary and I was disappointed not to be able to go to ottawa for that.  it triggers me to be stuck at home - as I was for so long during cancer treatment, and i feel frustrated of missing out on things, like fun activities, a social life and travel adventures. i already lost the better part of a year and i am feeling resentful of this bump in the road.
trying to focus on the basics, like eating well, working out and having a good routine.  the trauma and fear of this situation causes me anxiety though and I'm just trying to manage it one day at a time.
i'm dusting off old strategies and tools from cancer treatment, that's for sure. not every day is good day, but there is something good in each day. gratitude and being in the present moment is going to be key, as we continue through this challenge.

A big bump in the road for all

So many emotions these days with the Coronavirus pandemic. 

I have felt this fear and anger and sadness before. In some ways it triggers me quite deeply. 

This is almost worse than having cancer though in some ways — I am afraid for me, I am afraid for my loved ones, I am afraid for my colleagues and friends. I am afraid for the future. I know we will get through this but what losses are possible along the way?

It’s certainly a big bump on the road. And we are at the bottom of the mountain again, only starting the climb to get to where we need to be.

All we can do is put one foot in front of the other, and do the best we can to move through this together, with compassion.