Thursday, 30 March 2017
Hair update #19
25 weeks post chemo and back to brown!
Natural colour versus new colour and about a months growth
Wednesday, 29 March 2017
Sunday, 26 March 2017
Long term disability and return to work
Since October I have been on long term disability. I've been asked recently for an employee status report, it is due April 4th. I have to answer a number of questions about how I am doing and get into specifics on my good, average and normal day. I am going to be discussing it with my radiation oncologist this week and there is also a case worker at Wellspring that can give me advice.
Today, I do not feel ready to go back to work. I am hopeful that I can do so within a few months, but I don't want my benefits cut off in the meantime. I am still feeling physical and mental effects of everything I have been through, and do I spend a lot of time each day sleeping and resting still. Doing a full work day sounds exhausting to me right now. I am confident I can get there though. I signed up for return to work course at Wellspring, so I am hoping I will get some good advice and coping strategies through that.
This past week I had a call with my director. I've never met or worked with her before and haven't heard the greatest things but she was nice on the phone. She said that she wants me to take all the time I need and that the ministry is behind me doing that as well. She talked about how she was in a car accident before and had to take 2 months off work, and that she realizes you have to address both your physical and mental health. She said she had PTSD from that accident. So I did feel she tried to relate to me and is being supportive, which I am glad about. Now I need to have the insurance company support me - for alittle while longer anyways.
I saw this article posted on one of my groups, about how the staff at disability organizations feel and are forced to act. It definitely gives you a sense of their perspective. What a shitty situation for both sides though!
https://www.theguardian.com/public-leaders-network/2016/aug/20/work-pensions-disability-claim-call-handler-benefits-dwp
Today, I do not feel ready to go back to work. I am hopeful that I can do so within a few months, but I don't want my benefits cut off in the meantime. I am still feeling physical and mental effects of everything I have been through, and do I spend a lot of time each day sleeping and resting still. Doing a full work day sounds exhausting to me right now. I am confident I can get there though. I signed up for return to work course at Wellspring, so I am hoping I will get some good advice and coping strategies through that.
This past week I had a call with my director. I've never met or worked with her before and haven't heard the greatest things but she was nice on the phone. She said that she wants me to take all the time I need and that the ministry is behind me doing that as well. She talked about how she was in a car accident before and had to take 2 months off work, and that she realizes you have to address both your physical and mental health. She said she had PTSD from that accident. So I did feel she tried to relate to me and is being supportive, which I am glad about. Now I need to have the insurance company support me - for alittle while longer anyways.
I saw this article posted on one of my groups, about how the staff at disability organizations feel and are forced to act. It definitely gives you a sense of their perspective. What a shitty situation for both sides though!
https://www.theguardian.com/public-leaders-network/2016/aug/20/work-pensions-disability-claim-call-handler-benefits-dwp
Friday, 24 March 2017
Hair update #18
24 weeks post chemo hair! The week to week difference isn't a ton but it's slowly getting fuller.
Wednesday, 22 March 2017
Girls Spa weekend in Niagara!
This past weekend I went to Niagara on the lake with my sister in law Amanda and my friends Shannon, Adrienne, and Lisa. Shannon organized the weekend to celebrate me being done treatment and it was so much fun! I am so grateful and touched they all took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with me, I know that's not easy given demands of work and family and everything else going on.
We did a couple of wine tastings and lunch at Ravine winery in the afternoon, and then headed to the White Oaks spa/resort, where we did spa treatments - I had a massage and a body wrap. After that we swam in the pool and then got ready to go out for the night. We went to Treadwell restaurant in Niagara on the Lake for dinner and it was really good! We made a brief stop at Angel's Inn down the street after dinner, as we heard the music from a block away. It was funny to see NOTL nightlife! We went back to the hotel after and played some trivia and charade games until 2:30 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. I laughed so much the whole day and night. In the morning we had breakfast in the hotel and then went to the outlet mall across the street before heading home.
I was careful about telling the spa staff about my treatment because I am a bit paranoid about heat and massages near my lymph node and breast scars. I do not want to get lympedema, so better safe than sorry. I also avoided the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi. The person doing my massage was super sensitive to my story, he said he cried twice during my massage and also said I was a fighter. It was kind of sweet. His uncle recently passed away from cancer so I imagine that made him more sensitive.
It felt really good to spend time with these women and to do something fun! Amazing food, wine and company! It is a weekend I will not forget!
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
The light that is you
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world.
All things break. And all things can be mended.
Not with time, as they say, but with intention.
All things break. And all things can be mended.
Not with time, as they say, but with intention.
So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.
The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.
The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.
~ L. R. Knost
Friday, 17 March 2017
Hair update #17
23 weeks post chemo hair. Still wishing it would grow faster! My eyelashes are growing in again but are alittle stubby.
Thursday, 16 March 2017
NOMINATIONS FOR THE MICHAEL KAMIN HART AWARD
UHN AYA program is accepting nominations for the Michael Kamin Hart Award right now, and I submitted one for Dr. Eitan Amir, my medical oncologist.
About the award: The Adolescent and Young Adult (AYA) Program is currently accepting nominations for the 2017 Michael Kamin Hart Award. This award is offered annually in memory of Michael, a young man previously diagnosed with lymphoma and recognizes an employee or volunteer at The Princess Margaret who has had an exceptional impact on the experience and care of an AYA patient (ages 39 and under).
I know I've written about Dr. Amir here before, and how much I admire him and how grateful I am to him for his care.
Here is my nomination! It was pretty easy to write and only had to be 100-500 words. The award ceremony is April 3rd.
____
About the award: The Adolescent and Young Adult (AYA) Program is currently accepting nominations for the 2017 Michael Kamin Hart Award. This award is offered annually in memory of Michael, a young man previously diagnosed with lymphoma and recognizes an employee or volunteer at The Princess Margaret who has had an exceptional impact on the experience and care of an AYA patient (ages 39 and under).
I know I've written about Dr. Amir here before, and how much I admire him and how grateful I am to him for his care.
Here is my nomination! It was pretty easy to write and only had to be 100-500 words. The award ceremony is April 3rd.
____
I am nominating Dr. Eitan Amir for the Micheal Kamin Hart Award, for excellence in
AYA oncology care. Dr. Amir was my medical oncologist from June 2016 to
December 2016, when I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.
A cancer diagnosis is difficult for anyone at any age, however, being 38 and having
recently seen my cousin pass away before age 40 of cancer, I was extremely
concerned and anxious to act quickly to fight this disease. I met with Dr. Amir on
June 16th and he and his team were exceptional in explaining the type of chemo
regime that I would need to do, the possible side effects and what outcome we
would strive for together. One of the first things he said in that initial meeting is
that we want me to “live another 40 years.” He immediately “got” me, and my
fears of having my life cut short. I felt confident Dr. Amir could help me. We
started chemo the very next week.
At every checkup, my questions or concerns were addressed in a respectful and
thoughtful manner, and he showed genuine concern for me as a patient. As any
chemo patient knows, it is a long and difficult physical, emotional and mental
journey, and when I asked for a one week break halfway through when the drugs
switched, to go to a cottage with my spouse, Dr. Amir was very supportive and said
“quality of life is very important.” Those words really resonated with me at the time
and I think of it often to this day.
Dr. Amir showed that he had compassion as a doctor, and genuinely wanted me to
succeed. Even after the first chemo my lump started shrinking, and as the weeks
went by it could no longer be felt. He was genuinely happy for us that I was having
such an excellent response, and I felt like he was a cheerleader on my team. The
chemo regime he setup for me worked perfectly and at surgery it was determined I
had a pathological complete response.
How do you thank someone enough for saving your life? I don’t think it is possible,
but this is one way for me to acknowledge my heartfelt appreciation for this
amazing doctor, who is a leader in his field, who cares for his patients and their
outcomes, who strives to innovate (as I know research is one of his key priorities)
and who is compassionate, respectful and kind. I can’t say enough how much I
admire Dr. Amir. In my experience as his patient, he is worthy of this award.
thank you for your consideration,
Jennifer
Tuesday, 14 March 2017
Jamaica 2017!
Jeff and I had an amazing trip to Couples Sans Souci in Jamaica, from March 1-10. We've been to Jamaica I think 5 times before together and this one flew by in a flash, it was a lot of fun. Obviously I went in with a different perspective. Not that I haven't felt blessed to be there in the past but this time more than ever I soaked in every moment, every experience and felt overwhelming gratitude to be healthy enough to travel there again.
I had several moments where I felt pretty emotional about the whole thing. Taking off from Toronto I became overwhelmed with emotion and teared up a bit. After months of hell I was so happy to be going on vacation! Lots of moments on the beach and floating in the ocean that I reflected on all I have gone through and how happy I was to be there. This particular beach in Jamaica is one I often think of during meditations. When I had to do that claustrophobic MRI last summer, thinking of floating in that ocean, off that beach, got me through that difficult experience.
I wanted to make the most of it all and we did a couple of special things that really made the vacation even more exciting, including a sunset cruise and a private dinner on the beach.
The sunset cruise was beautiful and also a bit nerve-wracking! we went out on this speed boat with a driver and a host, and I am sure they know what they are doing but they took us quite far down the shoreline, and at high speeds for parts of it. We really had to hang on! Jeff and I were both nervous but eventually relaxed. I kept thinking, I beat cancer, don't be afraid of a speed boat ride! lol
The private dinner was very cool, we were the only ones on the "sunset beach" which is actually the au natural beach during the day lol.
I also tried the hydrobike for the first time, which is like a floating bike on the water that you can tour around on, it was so much fun! My heart was so happy, and I am proud I tried something new, that turned out to be a real highlight for me.
Jeff and I got a couples hot stone massage, in one of the huts overlooking the ocean. It was incredible.
On the way to the resort, we met a group of people from Norway who became our friends for the trip. They travelled 36 hours to be there, and were staying 3 weeks. They took many photos of Jeff and I which I found hilarious! We exchanged emails so we can share photos. One of the women reminded Jeff and I of his Ama, a younger version. The best night we had was the beach party where we just drank wine and talked, and at the end she kissed me on the cheek, said she was too old and had to go to bed. When we said our goodbyes, they said we helped to really make their trip enjoyable, and I am touched by that. We met up with a few other younger couples as well, and spent time with them in the beach bar and balloon bar. It was fun to spend time not thinking or talking about cancer! Although we did speak about it briefly with one couple on our last night. The woman, also named Jen, talked about the history of different cancers in her family, including breast cancer, and we talked about maybe getting tested for the BRCA1 gene.
It was hard to leave on our last day. I had such a wonderful time, and part of me was so sad to come home. Given everything I have been through, and the uncertainties of the future, I wonder if/when I will get back there again. I truly hope it is soon. Maybe for my 40th birthday? I can't think of a better place to spend that milestone.
I had several moments where I felt pretty emotional about the whole thing. Taking off from Toronto I became overwhelmed with emotion and teared up a bit. After months of hell I was so happy to be going on vacation! Lots of moments on the beach and floating in the ocean that I reflected on all I have gone through and how happy I was to be there. This particular beach in Jamaica is one I often think of during meditations. When I had to do that claustrophobic MRI last summer, thinking of floating in that ocean, off that beach, got me through that difficult experience.
I wanted to make the most of it all and we did a couple of special things that really made the vacation even more exciting, including a sunset cruise and a private dinner on the beach.
The sunset cruise was beautiful and also a bit nerve-wracking! we went out on this speed boat with a driver and a host, and I am sure they know what they are doing but they took us quite far down the shoreline, and at high speeds for parts of it. We really had to hang on! Jeff and I were both nervous but eventually relaxed. I kept thinking, I beat cancer, don't be afraid of a speed boat ride! lol
The private dinner was very cool, we were the only ones on the "sunset beach" which is actually the au natural beach during the day lol.
I also tried the hydrobike for the first time, which is like a floating bike on the water that you can tour around on, it was so much fun! My heart was so happy, and I am proud I tried something new, that turned out to be a real highlight for me.
Jeff and I got a couples hot stone massage, in one of the huts overlooking the ocean. It was incredible.
On the way to the resort, we met a group of people from Norway who became our friends for the trip. They travelled 36 hours to be there, and were staying 3 weeks. They took many photos of Jeff and I which I found hilarious! We exchanged emails so we can share photos. One of the women reminded Jeff and I of his Ama, a younger version. The best night we had was the beach party where we just drank wine and talked, and at the end she kissed me on the cheek, said she was too old and had to go to bed. When we said our goodbyes, they said we helped to really make their trip enjoyable, and I am touched by that. We met up with a few other younger couples as well, and spent time with them in the beach bar and balloon bar. It was fun to spend time not thinking or talking about cancer! Although we did speak about it briefly with one couple on our last night. The woman, also named Jen, talked about the history of different cancers in her family, including breast cancer, and we talked about maybe getting tested for the BRCA1 gene.
It was hard to leave on our last day. I had such a wonderful time, and part of me was so sad to come home. Given everything I have been through, and the uncertainties of the future, I wonder if/when I will get back there again. I truly hope it is soon. Maybe for my 40th birthday? I can't think of a better place to spend that milestone.
Saturday, 11 March 2017
Hair update #16
22 weeks post chemo. My hair is a bit lighter after the trip to Jamaica.
I noticed while I was away that my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning again. I don't have makeup on today as I am giving my lashes a break.
I heard the thinning is possible as doing chemo your hair becomes synced rather than falling out at different times. This is so frustrating for me! I thought I was past this. 😢😢😢
Cancer is the gift that keeps on giving!
I am going to try using castor oil at night again to help with them growing back. I do see baby eyelashes coming in.
Saturday, 4 March 2017
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