This is an amazing article from the perspective of an oncologist.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/aug/30/as-cancer-progresses-some-patients-weep-some-get-angry-and-others-are-bewildered
Wednesday, 30 August 2017
Monday, 28 August 2017
Sunday, 27 August 2017
Monday, 21 August 2017
Today
Today is a new moon and the solar eclipse. A good time to write down goals as it is a period of renewal.
Time to take another look at the guiding principles and not to forget what's important in my life now!
Harmony, Balance and well-being for sure - number one!
Focus on things you love to do and that matter most - loving relationships; recharging activities and self-care; travel - two trips a year remember?
Don't wait to do things that are important to you!!
Don't forget how amazing you are - you beat cancer! Be bold, be brave and be kind. Take this new perspective into every aspect of your life.
Time to take another look at the guiding principles and not to forget what's important in my life now!
Harmony, Balance and well-being for sure - number one!
Focus on things you love to do and that matter most - loving relationships; recharging activities and self-care; travel - two trips a year remember?
Don't wait to do things that are important to you!!
Don't forget how amazing you are - you beat cancer! Be bold, be brave and be kind. Take this new perspective into every aspect of your life.
Last week of gradual return
This is my last week of gradual return! hard to believe, those 8 weeks went by fast. I definitely feel my stamina improving. I hope I can transition ok to the full time hours. I know I will be tired. I need to be patient and kind to myself.
It hasn't all be easy coming back to work. I did try to help out more than I maybe should have during the return, mainly because the branch has been so understaffed and I wanted to rectify this before I go on my secondment. There were days I pushed myself too hard. But then I learned my lesson and am not working outside of the hours much anymore. I need to value my time to rest and treat that as a priority too.
Because I threw myself into things and maybe also because I sought out a new job, I think people at work somewhat forgot I was on gradual return and just back from leave for cancer. There have been many times where I haven't felt a lot of support. Not even much concern for how I am doing. It is a bit disappointing. But I guess not that surprising. I have to look after myself and be my own advocate.
As I get ready for my new role, I am hopeful I can find the right balance for me. That's my goal for this new job. To enjoy the opportunity and all that it brings but not to let it consume me. Remember that balance, harmony and wellbeing is number one.
It hasn't all be easy coming back to work. I did try to help out more than I maybe should have during the return, mainly because the branch has been so understaffed and I wanted to rectify this before I go on my secondment. There were days I pushed myself too hard. But then I learned my lesson and am not working outside of the hours much anymore. I need to value my time to rest and treat that as a priority too.
Because I threw myself into things and maybe also because I sought out a new job, I think people at work somewhat forgot I was on gradual return and just back from leave for cancer. There have been many times where I haven't felt a lot of support. Not even much concern for how I am doing. It is a bit disappointing. But I guess not that surprising. I have to look after myself and be my own advocate.
As I get ready for my new role, I am hopeful I can find the right balance for me. That's my goal for this new job. To enjoy the opportunity and all that it brings but not to let it consume me. Remember that balance, harmony and wellbeing is number one.
Wednesday, 9 August 2017
Return to work update
Well, I've been back on the gradual return to work for just over a month now. It's going ok. I feel like I am contributing at a decent level. I get tired as the day goes on and I notice that is when I struggle with vocabulary (like searching for the right word) and/or making spelling mistakes on emails etc. I am up to 20 hours this week, jumping to 30 next week! Hope I can manage ok as I get up to full time August 28th. This week I am going in at 9am instead of 10am, which means I get up at 5:30 so I have time to workout, shower, dress, do breakfast and walk the dog all before commuting to work. It's a lot for someone off for cancer for over a year! But I am managing. Getting better at not working when I am not at work too. Because I realize I need the rest otherwise I am not as effective when I am there.
The week I returned I had an interview for a new role, lateral position as a manager in an HR branch at Cabinet Office. Amazingly I won the temporary position! And my director eventually agreed to let me go! I start there September 11th, as she needs me to stick around to deliver on the upcoming retreat for her. I will be back to full time hours at that point so it should be ok. I did tell the new director I will be reporting to about my leave for cancer and gradual return so she knows. She seems really great and from what I hear there is a great culture there, good work-life balance, and they just did a flex work pilot where people can work from home! It all sounds good. My title is going to be Manager, People and Culture, and I will be leading HR projects and programs, with a team for 4 or 5 staff. I am excited to try something new. I feel like if I hadn't got sick I would be due for a move and so why not go forward like I didn't get sick? Time to take control of my career back. Especially when the branch at MMAH has changed so drastically - I feel much less ties and loyalty there, and frankly I can already tell I am not learning much there anymore. This retreat I am helping with - I have already done 5 other retreats of a similar nature. It's time for something else! It is an 18 month secondment, so we will see how it goes. Should I want to become an HR director at some point, it will be good to get more experience in a different ministry and this is more "central agency" experience.
I am proud of myself for taking on this challenge of a competition, and being successful!
The week I returned I had an interview for a new role, lateral position as a manager in an HR branch at Cabinet Office. Amazingly I won the temporary position! And my director eventually agreed to let me go! I start there September 11th, as she needs me to stick around to deliver on the upcoming retreat for her. I will be back to full time hours at that point so it should be ok. I did tell the new director I will be reporting to about my leave for cancer and gradual return so she knows. She seems really great and from what I hear there is a great culture there, good work-life balance, and they just did a flex work pilot where people can work from home! It all sounds good. My title is going to be Manager, People and Culture, and I will be leading HR projects and programs, with a team for 4 or 5 staff. I am excited to try something new. I feel like if I hadn't got sick I would be due for a move and so why not go forward like I didn't get sick? Time to take control of my career back. Especially when the branch at MMAH has changed so drastically - I feel much less ties and loyalty there, and frankly I can already tell I am not learning much there anymore. This retreat I am helping with - I have already done 5 other retreats of a similar nature. It's time for something else! It is an 18 month secondment, so we will see how it goes. Should I want to become an HR director at some point, it will be good to get more experience in a different ministry and this is more "central agency" experience.
I am proud of myself for taking on this challenge of a competition, and being successful!
Tuesday, 8 August 2017
A letter to myself
Last August the EAP counsellor suggested I write a letter to myself one year in the future, talking about everything I have survived and made it through, to help myself visualize and focus on my goal - to beat cancer. Here is that letter, from my notebook:
__
August 2017 (actually written August 2016 :))
Dear Jen,
It's been 14 months since your diagnosis with breast cancers. You have overcome so much since that time. The major hurdle of chemo, where your body was put through the wringer, followed by surgery and radiation...not to mention the emotional roller coaster of the past year.
I know at times you couldn't do anymore. You weren't sure how you might climb the mountain in front of you. But look at you now! You did it! You fucking beat cancer!
You have your physical strength back and can do the exercises you enjoy, that centre you and relieve stress. You've battled the psychological demons that come with this disease. Your hair is back! you feel like a woman again. You are even back at work, the job you love. You continue to be grateful for every day and all that you experience.
You are a fighter and I am so incredibly proud of you! You are capable of anything.
__
August 2017 (actually written August 2016 :))
Dear Jen,
It's been 14 months since your diagnosis with breast cancers. You have overcome so much since that time. The major hurdle of chemo, where your body was put through the wringer, followed by surgery and radiation...not to mention the emotional roller coaster of the past year.
I know at times you couldn't do anymore. You weren't sure how you might climb the mountain in front of you. But look at you now! You did it! You fucking beat cancer!
You have your physical strength back and can do the exercises you enjoy, that centre you and relieve stress. You've battled the psychological demons that come with this disease. Your hair is back! you feel like a woman again. You are even back at work, the job you love. You continue to be grateful for every day and all that you experience.
You are a fighter and I am so incredibly proud of you! You are capable of anything.
Monday, 7 August 2017
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