Booster #28

I had a trying radiation session today.  I was in the room for probably 30 minutes instead of the usual 10 and most of that time was trying to lie still.

There was a new tech there, probably filling in for someone from my regular rotation. She set me up initially, and then they did the "scan" part - this is new for the booster sessions, as the machine takes quite a bit of time rotating around me and I think they can see/check the placement in the other room.

Well the first placement didn't work.  They came in and got me to get right off the table, and start all over again.  The other tech set me up this time.  Out they went and the whole rotation started again.  And then I waited.  For what felt like an eternity!  No zapping.

I was kind of worried I was misplaced again and would have to start all over a 3rd time.  Eventually, the treatment did start.  It was very hard to lie still and stay calm.  I am just so over the treatment at this point.

Also - during the second placement, Angel's song, A Thousand Years, came on.  This is the song that Shannon made Angel's video with, and it always makes me think of her.  Hard to stay still and keep it together when that happened!  But I did wonder if it was a sign that she was there for me in that moment.

At the end, the new tech helped me off the table and said, "have you noticed weight loss recently?"  And I said yes, my appetite hasn't been the same lately and I am also working out.  Well apparently the weight loss, is affecting their ability to get me in the right position!  She said that the reason the second time took so long was they had to get placement checked and get the "go ahead."    I feel a bit bad about that but not really.  I am trying to get back in shape and eat healthy, and sometimes I don't feel as hungry because of the radiation.

After 7-8 months of being poisoned, cut up, and burned, it does feel like I have little resilience left to put up with any issues.  Luckily I only have 2 more sessions left.

Here are the lyrics from Angel's song.  Isn't it a good one? One step closer.



A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything, take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more