At my last appointment with Dr. Easson, she said "Cancer is a life altering event." Then today, at my annual physical with my family doctor, she said "You've been through a trauma."
Both comments really stuck in my head. Sometimes you forget the magnitude of what you've been through. Both comments are one hundred percent true.
Today, I feel like I am sick of trying to be resilient. Today, I am tired. Today, I cried when they couldn't find a vein in my arm to take blood. Today, I felt sad for the state of my body and what chemo did to it.
Today, I feel like others don't get what I went through. Today, I feel like a different person than I was.
Today, I walked into my work building for the first time in almost a year and it was bizarre. Today, I saw some of my staff and I felt their kindness and love. Today, I realized how missed I've been at work. Today, I felt the stress of work creeping up my spine again. Today, I was even more confused about whether I will like my job still. Today, I questioned if I will be truly ready to go back to work when I want/plan to.
Today, I realized cancer kicks the shit out of your confidence in ways you don't even realize. Today, I mourned my health just a little bit.
Today, I felt alittle bit sorry for myself. Today, I was a bit overwhelmed.
Tomorrow is a new day. Let it be a better one!
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