Yesterday was my second chemo session. We arrived at 8am and I had my blood taken shortly after that. While we were waiting for the blood, I met with Dr. Amir for a quick checkup. I mentioned all my side effects and he didn't have any concerns, all seemed normal. He did give me a different anti nausea drug to take at bedtime as I said the other one wasn't too effective.
I had noticed in the last few days that the lump had shrunk and he did an exam and confirmed. it is crazy just one round of chemo did that much, but I am very happy it is working. Jeff and I joked about not having to do the last 7 chemos and the doctor said unfortunately that's not the case lol.
We waited around some more and eventually got taken in to the chemo room, and did some more waiting. I think chemo started at 11am. I brought a book so that helped to pass some time. I want to take a picture of the actual chemo bags if I can do it subtlety. the first kind is red and has to be "pushed" in through the IV by the nurse. the second one is a clear bag, similar to the fluid bags they have, and takes about half an hour to drip in.
While I was on the second bag, the hospital social worked visited me. She had been on vacation so this was the first time we could connect. We had a nice long talk and she helped me, just listening and offering some suggestions here and there for me. I could be referred to the hospital psychiatrist for sessions if I want so that is something I might consider. Counselling helped me a lot when Angel died so I will do something, even if it is EAP. there are emotional and mental parts of this journey too, and in a way similar issues to when Angel died - feeling like my body has let me down, feeling like I have no control over things, dealing with not so great reactions or comments from friends and family, grieving certain things, like my health, my hair, my normal life, etc. I know dealing with all the feelings is going to help my healing. I have highs and lows.
I forgot how bad day 1 is. the chemo makes my whole bottom feel heavy, almost like I am pushing against gravity coming down on me. The fatigue is intense. I went to bed at 8pm, and was up a few times in the night, but didn't get up again til 8:30am! Today is a bit better, although still fatigued and on and off nausea. I am sticking to neutral foods. I also gave myself the white blood cells shot at home today! so that was something. It was pretty easy actually. And way better than going into the hospital again.
So today I washed and dried my hair and lots came out. It is a bit unnerving to have it thin and fall out like that, so I've decided to go to get the shave and pick up my wig tomorrow. I don't think I want to deal with it falling out over the next few days. If I do it proactively, I feel more in control. I am sure it will be emotional but it has to be done, and in a way it is just another step to continuing treatment and getting better. It won't be forever!!
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