Lotus flower tattoo

I got a new tattoo today to represent my cancer journey - a lotus flower! Here's the before and after :)

Chemo-versary!

Well one year ago today I had my first chemo. God I came to hate that awful devil AC. I was very anxious about how it would make me feel. The unknown was hard. I found out soon enough that it would knock me down to the worst fatigue ever and make me super nauseous.  Also started the hot flashes and night sweats. And insomnia from the steroids. It ruined chicken soup for me forever!

Very very glad I am a year out from starting that process!

 

After the storm

http://www.purpleclover.com/health/1340-after-the-storm/

That's what I fight for

 

One year later

June 9th was one year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a year!

Obviously I am incredibly grateful to be where I am now, with my treatment going as well as it could. Only god knows what is in store for me now.  I can only hope and pray I have beat this thing for good.

Jeff and I went to Seattle on June 9 for 4 nights, and I am glad we did something fun. We saw 3 blue jays games, went to the Space Needle, went to pike place market, and walked a lot. By the final day I was toast. I slept on the flight home and probably 12 hours that night. I am frustrated I don't have the stamina I used to. I also am sick for the second time this month. I am so busy doing things because I want to have as much fun as possible before I go back to work but my health is suffering a bit. 

One year later I still feel a bit vulnerable about my health. I look back in awe of what I have been through. I am still gaining my strength and confidence.  I hope I continue to improve and progress. I am thankful I am one of the lucky ones.

 

       

Appointment with Doctor Hunter

I met with Dr. Hunter last Wednesday and it was a good session.  We talked a lot about my return to work and my concerns with going back to a bad environment.    I do feel ready to rip off the bandaid and to see what it will be like. He offered a different perspective on my director though, which was to think about any redeeming qualities she might have that you can learn from, instead of just focusing on any negative perceptions I have heard. It is good advice. I have had horrible managers before, and yet I always learn one way or the other.  Some good things and some things not to do.  This director is very focused on client service and innovation.  I think there is a lot to learn there for anyone.  But what I can bring to the table is building a strong team, based on trust, collaboration and high engagement. I've done it before and I can do it again, even with new staff on board. So we will see!

I have heard that this director treats work as "her life" - and when I said this, Dr. Hunter said "well doesn't that mean your team is your family?"  I loved this. It's a great point and I feel like how you treat people is key to having them deliver for you.

We also talked about self care and how I need to keep up with that. I must remember to schedule work around self care and not the other way around. 

I mentioned that my online friend just had a recurrence - she finished treatment in the Fall and it is back in the very same spot.  When I got that news, it made me really think about why I let work stress me out.  Work is not as important as your overall quality of life!  I can only imagine what Tracy is feeling right now, it is mind boggling. Work troubles are very small in comparison.

Last return to work session

I had my final return to work session last week also.  I am sad to have it end as it has helped me tremendously but at the same time I do feel ready to "graduate" :)

We did the same survey we completed in session 1, to see our readiness to go back to work. My scores have improved a lot in terms of the desire to go back, and the anxiety has lessened.  I know it will be a transition and there will be stress, but I feel I have more tools to deal with it, which is amazing. The course really has boosted my confidence to go back to work.  I just have to remember my guiding principles, to be an advocate for myself, and to make a commitment to self-care first!  A healthy me is a helpful me.