Cancer slayer pin

Got this in the mail from my cousin Laura, I love it!

 

 

 

Toronto star article -AYA unique needs

https://www.thestar.com/life/health_wellness/2017/05/15/doctors-notes-younger-patients-face-unique-challenges-post-cancer.html

Oh yes.

 

Sounds like a good goal to me

 

Lace up for love for wellspring!

I did it! 5km run for wellspring! I raised 1250 dollars for this amazing organization. I was a bit faster than my practice runs too, although I did start to lose steam around 4km. Had to stop a couple times to catch my breath. But I am friggin proud of myself! 7 months post chemo and my first official run is complete! 💪🏻🏃‍♀️😊👍🏻🌸🎀🙏🏻

 

   

 

The magnitude of cancer....and how I felt today

At my last appointment with Dr. Easson, she said "Cancer is a life altering event."  Then today, at my annual physical with my family doctor, she said "You've been through a trauma."

Both comments really stuck in my head. Sometimes you forget the magnitude of what you've been through.  Both comments are one hundred percent true.

Today, I feel like I am sick of trying to be resilient.  Today, I am tired.  Today, I cried when they couldn't find a vein in my arm to take blood.  Today, I felt sad for the state of my body and what chemo did to it.

Today, I feel like others don't get what I went through.  Today, I feel like a different person than I was.

Today, I walked into my work building for the first time in almost a year and it was bizarre.  Today, I saw some of my staff and I felt their kindness and love.  Today, I realized how missed I've been at work.  Today, I felt the stress of work creeping up my spine again.  Today,  I was even more confused about whether I will like my job still.  Today, I questioned if I will be truly ready to go back to work when I want/plan to.

Today, I realized cancer kicks the shit out of your confidence in ways you don't even realize.  Today, I mourned my health just a little bit.

Today, I felt alittle bit sorry for myself.  Today, I was a bit overwhelmed.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Let it be a better one!

Return to work session and stressors

I had another good return to work session this week. We did a bit of an exercise to compare our physical and cognitive abilities and use right now versus an average work day.   Physically I am doing great, I am working out and walking the dog.  Cognitively I need some focus.  I don't do a ton of reading, writing, problem solving, multi-tasking etc right now.  The facilitator gave us a calendar for May and June and said to schedule time to do brain activities.   There are apps you can download that help with cognitive practice so I will try that. I will also up my reading and writing, and take time to get back into what is happening in the government and in my ministry.   I can get up to speed on news events related to my organization, which will help me understand the business needs at the moment.

I had a call with my director this week too.  It was pleasant enough.  She has invited me to a branch session on June 6 and I think I will probably go.  Starting to think more about work and what it will be like to go back.   I met a few staff today for lunch and got some more updates on things that are happening.  A lot can change in a year believe it or not!  Also so far 3 of my staff have left for other jobs.  I feel like my team is dismantled.  The branch has the lowest employee survey results in the ministry this year.  A lot of these issues are related to new management while I have been away.  It is very frustrating and not making me eager to return.  But I am working towards the gradual return in July, and I will see how it all goes.   The person acting for me right now (one of my staff) is very eager for me to get back!  I told her to hang in there.  But I am a bit worried about being bombarded as soon as I set foot in the office.

I will really have to work on setting those personal boundaries, and not letting people take advantage of me. Health is number one!!