Celebration with the bazzonga gals

I feel so very grateful for my ride or die ladies the bazzonga gals!

They are consistently shown up for me the last 9 months.

And they stepped up to throw my first celebration - hopefully one of many!

As Steph said- if home were people 💗

When treatment is over

Gosh it’s been a weird mental space again now that treatment is done. 

I’m two weeks out from radiation. My body is still quite burnt and tender.  The fatigue is quite intense at times - and frustrating.

I need to heal physically still.

But I’m also now reflecting on what the heck just happened to me. For a second time.

You push so hard through the physical treatment. It’s grueling and you barely catch your breath before you are onto the next thing.

So when it’s finally done….and you have a chance to breathe….the mental and emotional aspects crash onto you like a gigantic ocean wave.

I’m trying to be compassionate with myself and patient.

Like everything else I have conquered this before and come out the other side to a new place, a healed place.

I looked back at what 2017 me wrote in this phase and she was a smart cookie. It’s a time for convalescence. A time for rehabilitation and recovery.

It will take time to process. 

One day at a time and one moment at a time.

We got this.

Dr. Hunter used a term that was in the article I shared awhile back - "Convalescence" - to take time to grow strong emotionally and physically.  That is exactly what phase I am in now.  He said that there used to be hospitals (or sections of them) that focused on convalescence specifically but it no longer exists given the expense.  But that it is an important phase, to spend that time recovering from being sick.   Jeff and I talked about this too - I've spent the last 8 months pushing forward to the next step, the next chemo, getting through surgery, radiation every day for 6 weeks - it was all consuming just to tackle each step physically, mentally and emotionally, and I didn't have much mental energy to reflect on what was actually happening and what it means to my life.  So that takes some processing.

Radiation complete! Treatment complete!!

February 20th was my last radiation treatment. 

Looking back, I am so freaking PROUD of myself for making it through this incredibly challenging time.

I am so grateful to have made it through 9 months of intense treatment, the second marathon of my life:

2 surgeries

6 dose dense chemo

19 sessions of radiation

My words from 2017 still ring true. 

I will not take a healthy day for granted, and I urge you all to do the same.

I am so very grateful as I get to LIVE.

I am strong.

I am loved.

I am healed.

#jenstrong

2025 birthday

I’ve been reflecting on my birthday that occurred in January - it was one of the best nights I had in a long time! Treatment - especially chemo - held me back from most social activities for months and it was so amazing to be surrounded by a group of women who I know love and support me now and always. To show and be there for me made me feel loved during a very scary time. 

I didn’t know my surgery results yet and it did cross my mind - what if this is my last birthday.

I stayed super present and enjoyed every moment.

I felt such happiness in my heart.

It truly meant the world to me.

This is what I want out of life, moments and feelings like this.

Please my angels make 2025 a year of joy and peace for me. 

I am almost done this marathon of treatment and have so much to look forward to. So much life to still live.

I am grateful for more time and for all the memories and experiences I can still have in this precious life.

Hope

I’m attending a writing class through wellspring - it’s called writing your way to inner peace.

It’s focused on poems and last time we were given this prompt to use to write one:  “I know that hope is”

Here’s what I wrote

I know that hope is my friend and ally

When I darkness or despair of life’s challenges I seek it out

It is always there behind the shadows

It just needs to be summoned.

And it comes to me like the sun as it rises in the morning

Beckoning me to come out of the dark

And believe in the future

Where there is life there is hope

Where there is love and gratitude there is hope

Pick it up and hold it like a stone in your palm

And carry it with you always

_____

I really enjoy this writing class and hearing everyone’s poems. we had a lot of similar themes and it helps to feel bonded and less alone.

One woman had a line that hit me - about holding on to hope with clenched fists! Yeah baby!!

Radiation #1

It feels familiar. I’ve been here before.

30 sessions in 2017 on the right side of my body. I was so happy to rip the green card up by the end.

Did I feel a bit nauseous being handed the green card again? Yes I sure did.

Here we go left side. This time…

The curiosity is gone. I know what to expect. Maybe that makes it harder?

The positive thing to note is this is the last leg of this marathon.This is my insurance policy.

I know I can do it. I will go on. 💪🏻🙏🏻

Sentinel node biopsy results!

 I waited til after the christmas holidays and my birthday to check the pathology online.  on Jan 6th, I woke up and pulled it up on my phone to see - all lymph nodes negative baby!!!!

I saw my surgical oncologist today who confirmed this news :)

I am soooo relieved and happy!

I was holding so much tension in my body for the past few weeks - I didn't even realize it.

Jeff looked at me after I saw the results and said - you look different - relieved :)

They took 6 lymph nodes which seems like alot! my surgeon said, they have to remove anything that gets the blue dye. He was a bit frustrated he had to take so many too.  He hugged me when we told me the news. 

even though I saw the report, I had to hear it from him.

feeling extremely grateful right now and the end is getting so close.

radiation will start this month. I see my radiation oncologist Friday to get that going.

for now - super super happy!