I had another good discussion with Dr. Hunter yesterday. We spent most of the time talking about the transition after treatment is over. I do feel a lot of relief to be done the marathon and to be on this side of the mountain. It does feel strange not to be going to the hospital regularly anymore - I feel a bit abandoned but obviously I don't need to be going, nor do I want to, and the doctors need to focus on patients that are in active treatment now! Last Thursday when I finished, the last thing I felt like doing was going out and celebrating. Jeff suggested going out for dinner but my skin was killing me! Now that I am starting to heal, I think I will be ready to start celebrating in the coming weeks. By the time Jamaica rolls around, I know I will be ready to really enjoy it.
Dr. Hunter used a term that was in the article I shared awhile back - "Convalescence" - to take time to grow strong emotionally and physically. That is exactly what phase I am in now. He said that there used to be hospitals (or sections of them) that focused on convalescence specifically but it no longer exists given the expense. But that it is an important phase, to spend that time recovering from being sick. Jeff and I talked about this too - I've spent the last 8 months pushing forward to the next step, the next chemo, getting through surgery, radiation every day for 6 weeks - it was all consuming just to tackle each step physically, mentally and emotionally, and I didn't have much mental energy to reflect on what was actually happening and what it means to my life. So that takes some processing.
Strangely enough there have been times during this current struggle where I have also be triggered by what happened with Angel, because some of the feelings are so similar. Confidence in my body for example. Being emotionally drained. Being uncertain about the future. Feeling anxious or vulnerable in certain situations. They are both traumatic experiences and Dr. Hunter didn't seem to think it was strange that I felt that way.
Now that I am on solid ground I am looking back with amazement of all I actually went through. Jeff and I were chatting with my brother last night about one particular chemo when I had unbearable bone pain, and nothing was working. If I really sit back and think about it, my body has been through the wringer!
Cancer is a gift that keeps on giving too. I talked to Dr. Hunter about a nutrition session I went to at wellspring, and how because of cancer/chemotherapy, I am now more at risk for heart disease, diabetes and osteoporosis. Yay me! Although it does motivate me to continue to eat better, exercise, and take care of myself. It is a necessity. He joked about eating kale 3 times a day and I laughed because they made us a kale and sweet potato stew. What can you do but laugh really. And carry on.
